Hey y'all, its thanksgiving and well, I hope you all had a good one.Yesterday (and today) I was thinking about a girl. Actually I was thinking about a lot of girls. Pretty much trying to recall all the girls I have liked, or thought I liked in the past 4, 5, 6 years. I was thinking about writing a short story with several elements from each girl in it, but then I just started to think about the real woman of my life, yes my secret girlfriend. No, I mean, my future wife. And wonder what amount of time I have wasted thinking about girls and daydreaming about how I would rescue them, or what our first date would be like, or crap like that. I was thinking about how patient I have gotten since my senior year in high school but yet how at times I get so frustrated. And it isn't that I get frustrated with the girls all the time (most of the time, but not ALL of the time), but how frustrated I get with myself. I mean, if I truly trusted God and had real patience I would never get this frustrated. It wasn't some monumental moment in my life but I hope that it sticks with me.
Also, last night I thought I got my CDs stolen from my dad's truck, and I was bummed. If you know me at all you know how much I love my music, hence also my CDs. So I was REALLY bummed. There are CDs in that case that you can't find anywhere anymore. Anyway, as I was driving around looking for them (downtown, yeah I am crazy) I started to think how much I valued material stuff. Stuff that COULD be replaced, and I just don't want to be in to that materialistic mentality. So I gave up on the CDs a started home. Then I found them WAY under the seat. Again, not a huge moment in my life but one that I hope I remember down the road of life. Well, thats it, check out the "new" poem up at life after Vis.

Well, it is almost midnight, so that means I only havea bout 12 hours til I go home. I am really excited about that. REALLY EXCITED. So anyway, I will try to update my blog at home, and I probably will. I am excited to see Benji, the Drehers, Sarah Q, Monica, my family and of course Hillary Anne Morris. I love you all. And I will miss my TIU family as well, but I need a break from here, so it will be good. Love.

Hey, just so you know, I was the first to say happy birthday to Nate Grabher (GraabER) today, his golden birthday at 12:15 am. I also just wrote on my other blog, which if you havent checked out yet, you should. Anyway, if you read it you get the jist of what i am about to say. I am really cynical in a lot of ways. I do a good job of hiding it most of the time. It comes out in my fault-finding and sometimes not being the most loving person. So that has been hitting me hard lately. My prayer is that God will consume it so I will be a increasingly loving person. So anyway, I dont have class til Tuesday, so I have to go not do anything, peace children.

Not much has happened in the past few days, I have ben pretty busy with homework. I worked for 3 and a half hours in the library with Julia on Monday night, but I haven't finished my paper yet. Today Pastor Jared and I kind of set a path of what we will do for our discipleship relationship. We will be going over some reading for pastors and I might even get to sit in on some pre-marital counseling sessions with Pastor Lee. I am really excited about that.
I have been really tired lately. I have only once been this ready to go home (Europe). I don't know what make me miss home, if it is being with my family and friends or just the thought of the rest I will be getting. Its a little of both I suppose, but thinking about going home just about makes me cry, thats how excited I am. Also I have been hit lately how much I just need to try and love everyone so much. This is hard but I know that it is God's heart as well as the heart of my own heart that I love unconditionally. Also I need to be in God's Word more. So I am going to go do that now, oh yeah...

Well, I haven't posted in awhile So I will try to catch you up to speed. Thursday night we had FAT at Lake Forest College, it was pretty cool. I went early to pray, which was the part I enjoyed most. There weren't as many people there as there was last year, but it is ok because I have heard from people there that God is really working on that campus. I know God will raise up leaders and He will save people through that ministry. On Friday I went to Racine for the night, my first night off-campus this year. It was really fun, just being able to hang out with friends, although we stayed up too late. I wish we wouldn't have watched as much TV as we did, and enjoyed each other's company more, but oh well. Saturday I got some good nappin in and then went to Souled Out with Stephanie. It was really cool, the message and worship was good, but it had a really youth group feel to it that made me feel old. I think I will go again though. Last night (Sunday) Lisa Gordon and Marcia Ghali
(friends from home) came to visit school and so we got to hang out and talk. It was really good seeing people from "home" since it feels like years since I've been there. I also got to sit with Dr. Magdi today at chapel, it felt just like being at Valley Church (not really though 'cuz I didnt have to wait for Jason during the first two or three songs). And so that brings me to right about now, I've got a busy night ahead of me, working on my paper by myself, dinner, grad school prep., working my paper with Julia, and then an Ice Cream social. So yeah, if you don't hear from me in a couple of days it just means I am hiding from the sunlight.

Another long day, although productive. I registered for my classes (yes, early, remember that I work in records), did some laundry, went to Target for gum and some audio tapes (top five..), and met with pastor Jared for our first meeting of him discipling me. I talked to my dad today, it was good to talk to him, I really am missing home and look foward to being there in 13 days. There is a girl that I think I might like, but I am just so confused about where I am going next in life that I don't know what to think of anything, let alone her. Is it even worth dating at this point in my life? I don't know, it is something God will have to show me clearly. In other news, F.A.T. is at Lake Forest tomorrow, that should be awesome, I hope and pray God will show Himself, and reveal His love and mercy there. I think He will. Keep it real, James 4:13-15.

Oh yeah! Well, I am finally done with my homeless paper. Well, not really, but I finished the rough rough draft, will edit tomorrow (with help from a kick butt grammer checking friend!!) and hopefully he will accept it as my rough draft even though everyone else is turning in their final drafts. I am really glad this paper is done, now I can concentrate on my marriage and family paper due next week, which I probably won't get done on time either, oh well. It is nice to think that I will be off campus this weekend and will be going home only 2 weeks from tomorrow. Wow, Its been a while. Anyhoo, more reading awaits me.

Although this entry may say Monday it is actually Sunday night for me. The rest of Saturday was rough for me since I was exhausted. I worked on my paper pretty much all day off and on, worked on Steph's blog, and thats about it. Church was cool this morning, one of the main points was to be strengthened by God's love so that you can share God's love with others, I liked that point. I talked to my mom tonight about a lot including how my ministry is a ministry of love, thats really important to me, LOVE. I worked on my paper pretty much all day and did my NT church reading too, but I was fortunate to have cool study breaks with (in order) the Stephanies, Brad, Katie, and Brandon. And Katie gave me a slinky, which I will cherish forever! She is cool. And so now here I am listening to dash bizzoard, perparing me for a deep beautiful slumber, so goodnight.

So an amendment to this "morning"'s entry. Brad and I stayed up til 5:15 AM just talking. It was a wonderful time, he almost feel asleep while I was telling a story and we partnered-poohed at about 3:30 AM, among other various things that I don't feel like disclosing to you. HA! On the other side, I woke up at 10:30 and I already feel really tired, this day may suck, or it may be the coolest day ever. You never know!

Well, it was beautiful. We went to Dennys, we came back to 104 and we danced. It was beautiful. This is the way Fridays are suppose to end (although a kiss from a beautiful woman wouldn't be bad). I saw Star Wars II on IMAX tonight, it was quite the experience. Brad gve me a haircut and hung out the whole night, it was dope. I enjoy hanging out with Brad now, I wish our times last year were more like they are now, but alas.. Well, my beauties await me in my dreams, goodnight to all.

Just a note to all movie lovers out there, the movie "Ordinary People" is amazing. I've seen it a few times and just saw some clips in a class. It is slightly depressing and has some swearing but the characters are so amazingly drawn out and it just is so darn accurate in portraying depression. Amazing. Also, I was contacted by a pastor at Village Church of Lincolnshire yesterday to talk about being discipled. I am really excited about this because he is an associate pastor and does a lot of the things I want to do as an associate pastor. So yesterday wasn't that bad, I just felt homesick and tired which leads to venting. But I still don't feel like I have a true home, which is odd because I started my homelessness paper last night, you think theres a correlation? perhaps.

So I am about to go to bed but I have tons of thoughts going through my head. I think I am really home sick but at the same time I feel like I have no home. I don't live in Iowa really, and my heart isn't here in Illinois. I know my citizenship is in the Kingdom of God but I can't see that right now. I just want to be settled in and have a life, a job, a wife and kids. I am tired of school, I am tired of people having pity on me and seemingly talking down to me. I look at pictures of Zugspitzland and I just want to ecscape to there. I hate trying to sleep in this mentality. Another restless night I guess...

Well, round two, I hope this one works. Several things; first off, I just went and saw the first half of the girl's soccer game and I am certainly cold, but we are winning. Secondly, I am about to get my "advising" done, even though I just need Jim to sign my sheet since I know what I am doing. This is registration for my first semester as a senior, so I am excited. It is odd that I will be nearing the end of my undergraduate education in a little over a year. I am excited yet at the same time anxious to see where God leads me to next. Thirdly, happy birthday Mike Kraft, and I had everything to do with those signs, I won't deny it. We love you!! Peace.