You know that feeling when you have a lot to say, but all you can do is smile? When your world is spinning but youÕre just fine with it all. Wonderful, isnÕt it? I know GodÕs hand is on my life, and thats enough to make me smile. Then theres the other thought that makes me smile. So unexpected, yet quite a pleasant surprise. The surprise of it all makes me question my heart. I want pure motives and a pure heart. Is that too much to ask? I donÕt think so. Peace be still. Let me be still. And peace to your heart.

A brief note (at least it was supposed to be) on gaurding your heart. The Proverbs 4:23 passage warns us against gaurding our heart, many times we as Christians use that in talking about relationships and not giving our hearts away so quickly. I spent some time tonight reading the passage and its cross-references. I'm not so sure it is talking about relationships and I think it is more talking about the principle of what goes into your heart comes out of your mouth (Proverbs 10:11 and Luke 6:45).

BUT, my point is actually about relationships (imagine that). Although I can't think of a passage explaining a principle about it, I think it is wise not to give your heart away quickly. I have seen enough relationships in which one or both of the people in it have given so much of their hearts to the other person only to discover that it falls apart, and they leave the relationship broken-hearted. So obviously we see the validity in gaurding our own heart, but my point still hasn't arrived (getting there).

My point for the evening (morning) is that we should gaurd the hearts of those that we are gaurding our hearts from. What I mean is that we should be careful that we aren't leading people on. I have previously expressed my fear of the Trinity dating police, but what makes me so cautious is that I don't want to lead someone along and then not bring them to the place where they think I am leading them, i.e. dating. I know that this is a difficult thing to do since we can't read the other person's mind and they may interpret a simple smile as "she wants me". I guess the pragmatic part of this is that we shouldn't blatently lead people on, express your feelings (COMMUNICATION is the key), and enjoy the friendship. You can personally ask me any questions about this, as its a passion of mine to talk about relationships, dating, etc. I know this post isn't perfect or safe, but its good. peace out (publications?).

Last night I went on a blind date that Jessica set me up on. My date's name is Angie, she is a sophmore here, a very kind young woman. She loves God a lot, you can just tell. So this is the story of our blind date and two thoughts that came from the evening.

We started off by picking her up at her room, Matt pretended like he was her date and then she saw that it was me, it was rather funny. I gave her three roses, I thought it would be a nice, gentleman-like thing to do. Our plans were to go down to the aquarium and then out to eat, but we (I did, since I was driving) got lost and didn't make it there with enough time so we parked at Navy Pier (rip-off). We would've taken the tram but it was full so we walked to the Rainforest Cafe in the ripping wind. Her hair kept blowing all over the place so she couldn't see, it was funny. We got to the Cafe and while we waited we looked at all the expensive crap they were selling (bag of rocks, only $6.95!!) and the aquarium in the walls. Over dinner I found out that this was her first date ever too, so both of us were nervous. When I am nervous I talk a lot, and I think when she is nervous she doesn't talk. So I think I talked way too much, but alas its in the past now, I can't change that. Then we walked down Michigan Ave. and talked and went into a few stores and bought dinner for a homeless lady (more on that later). We talked all the way back to Navy Pier and all the way to the end of it, inside of course. We talked about our testimonies and our families, it was cool. On the way back I got lost and took the LONG way home, whoops. Then we tried to go to a Starbucks but it was closed (at 10!!!) so we proceeded back to TIU. There we talked a little in her suite and then I went back to my room. Yeah, so theres the night. I think the total is now up to 7 people who have asked me about a second date and the answer to that is... its in God's hands. HA! But seriously here folks. I am not a man of great emotion, I don't feel sparks with girls or think about love at first sight. It takes me time to even develop feelings towards girls. Angie is a great girl and I hope to develop a friendship with her, and whatever comes, comes.

Two things that were on my mind as I was listening to Radiohead, The Bends and as I was drifting off to sleep. The secondary thought was regarding my future spouse and how much I can't wait to completely romance her and sweep her off her feet. Trust me, whoever she is, she is going to be treated like a queen. But the primary thing on my mind was another woman (gasp), Bonny, the homeless woman we met. Bonny was on Michigan Ave. begging near a Starbucks. I asked her if she would like to get a sandwich. As she picked up her few belongings I noticed tears running down her cheeks. So we went in and had everyone starring ar us as I bought her a sandwich, a large coffee and a cookie. She told us that she had quit smoking recently (I'm not sure why she told us, but she did) as she poured massive amounts of sugar and cream into her coffee. She sat down at a table with her stuff and I asked her if we could pray for her. She said she needed a place to stay for the night out of the cold. She held out her hands and Ang and I grasped them and I prayed for her. As we continued down the street I didn't say anything for a bit. Often when homeless people ask me for change and I offer to buy them a sandwich they decline and swear at me. It was so beautiful. I learned more things from her in 5 minutes than I learned from church this morning. Especially as we prayed for those who had "unhappy work conditions" and other suburban crap. I love my church here and at home, but I wonder where the ministry to the poor is. Please pray for the homeless during this cold, winter season. And if you get a chance buy a sandwich for them and pray with them. It will touch lives, it touched three lives last night. I love you all. Peace.

I honestly do have some expectations concerning my future wife, allow me to explain. I expect her to be a woman pursuing God and holiness, someone who deeply cares for others, enjoys ministering to souls, someone who is sweet and enjoys the simple thigs of life. Those I think are a given. But there are some expectations that I have that I have been thinking about. They are a love for music (particularly indie rock), a love for the outdoors, and a crazy, fun-loving attitude. These are what I've been thinking about. What about them? I'll tell you. These are things that don't matter, they're extenuating circumstances that are irrelevant. As long as she is a woman who searches after God with her whole heart that is enough. Sure, those other things would be nice but certianly don't matter in the big picture. Something to think about I guess. By the way, I'm going on a blind date tonight, I'll fill you all in later.

Our culture sucks. It has falsely identified love as something that it is not. It sees love as sex, kissing, marriage, homosexual relationships, etc. I think this is why it is so hard for us as Christians to say "I love you" to even the best of our friends. I stumble around for the words as if I didn't mean them, but in actuallity I am afraid that it will be mistaken for the worldly love. How sad. I think that is something we as Christians should fight against, we need to stand up for what love really is and not this fake crap we see on tv. Anyway, know that I love you all and that will never change.


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is NOT self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Cor. 13:4-8a

Love (defined) - The Greek for this word indicates a selfless concern for the welfare of others that is not called forth by any quality of lovableness in the person loved, but is the product of a will to love in obedience to God's command. It is like Christ's love manifested on the cross.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
John 13:34,35

I refuse to apologize for preaching this one.

Here it is, February 19th. The day you've all been anticipating for weeks. I will inform you story style.

Friday, February 19th. It is the day before the Valentine's Day dance and Chad and I are driving. When we are driving that usually means we are talking about girls, and that is what we were doing. We were in a vortex of confusion, somewhat similar to the Bermuda Triangle. We both liked the same girl, but we weren't fighting over her, I forfeited my privileges straight up. But both of us liked several girls and could not understand the signals (or non-signals) that they were sending us. [sidenote: For young Christian men it is difficult to tell the difference between a Godly friendship with a Godly girl from a pre-dating relationship. I have a substantial amount to say about this but it isn't the point of this post.] We were severely confused and were pondering our situation. At the corner of 35th and Woodland we turn to each other and say "girls are confusing." And thus it was decided, girls are confusing. We decided that we had best start up a club with the name G.A.C., Girls Are Confusing. Basically it is the predecessor to the E.H.B.S. (Evangelic Hermeneutical Bachelor's Society). Of the main members I am the only one to stay completely and utterly "pure" from girls. We didn't have offical meetings or anything but we did have a survey and a report based off the findings of the surevey (available upon request). So thats it. No one won, but Lauren was REALLY close but since she didn't write her answer in the guestbook she doesn't win.

The week has been going well, so thank you to those who have been praying for me. I have a lot of work to do this weekend but plenty of time to do it so it should be dope. Anyway, sign the guestbook and wear pants while crossing the street. VIS.

Hey folks that read my blog, I just wanted to let you know about my week. It is really busy and I am already feeling the stress and exhaustion that I would rather avoid if at all possible. So please pray for me, if nothing more than physical strength. And if I post some ranting blog that sounds like I am off my rocker, just bear with me. Thank you my friends.

As late as it is, I am up because a) I was talking with a relatively new friend of mine online and b) I was writing a letter to my future wife. If you have never heard of the concept, let me explain. In a book entitled, "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Lisa Ludy, they explain that writing letters to your future spouse is a good way to express how you have loved them even before meeting them. So I have written several letters to her. I write them whenever I get inspired I suppose. So the night we get married I have two gifts to give her, my letters and my purity. [sidenote that turns into the main point] My purity is so darn important to me, because it is important to God and to her. I can't (can) wait for that night, and not just because of the sex. Sure that will be more than great, but it is SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT!! It is two becoming one. It is as spiritual as it is physical. I mourn for humanity because we have lost sight of that reality. There is more to sex than pleasure. Remember that. My love to you all (sorry if I sounded too preachy).

Some interesting links I've come across: Squirrel hazing also, I have included Dave Barry's blog in my links, he has quite a bit of funny stuff on it. In other news, last night's "guyz night" was a success. We went to Tony's subs, went to Dare Devil and came back and watched Legends of the Fall. We at the EHBS have decided that Brad Pitt's character, Tristen Ludlow, is the epitome of bachalorhood, especially in the scenes where he has a beard. I think that is it for now. Only two guesses on the guestbook for Feb 19th's importance so I'll give another hint: It has to do with Chad, me and the empire known as "girls". Ok, thats it, enjoy the squirrel hazing site.

So its February 14th, you know what that means: the day Travis gets all cynical and denounces all romantic intentions in the world. Well you will be (hopefully) pleasantly surprised that I am trying not to be the essence of bitterness this year. Some people have told that the "respectable" thing to do would be to take a girl out for dinner, if for nothing else, to make her day special. Maybe you agree, but I have some reservations about this.

To give you some background: I go to a small Christian college where many people will meet their future spouses, and the overwhelming thought is that you should be pursuing this ideal. This is a school in which if you are seen going out to dinner with or talking to a member of the opposite sex you are confronted by a recently formed committee informing you that you should date this person. They also will give you a list of suggested wedding chapels and names for firstborn children.

So why not just take a girl out as friends? I'll tell you why. Ambiguity. Thats why. This mentality of dating has infiltrated all of us, whether we admit it or not. So if you go out to dinner with just a friend and it goes well, it could create a certain interest that was not there before. Who knows where this will lead, If it went bad, then would come the awkward silence that would be utterly apparent in the friendship. And then would come your friends, half of whom would say, "you guys are the perfect couple, invite me to your wedding." And the other half would say, "I think you could do so much better. I mean shes nice but weren't you 'just friends'." So there is the ambiguity. So, lets take a look at my options for this evening.

a) I could take a close friend out to dinner. [downside] Again, I reitirate the awkward silence that would come from this if it went bad or if it went really good.

b) I could take a acquiantence out to dinner, not someone I know well, but more a friend of a friend. [downside] The couple making committee would be on me mere hours after the date, informing me that I either date her or I remove my belongings from my room and leave school.

c) I could sit in my room and listen to sad music all night and weep myself to sleep. [downside] First off, I don't want to be a the weird loser who locks himself in his room at the thought of girls. Secondly, the price for counseling is going up, I don't want to go broke.

d) I could go out with my single guy friends, eat fatty foods, watch guy movies and do other manly stuff. [downside]

So, there you have it. I think its obvious (D) what I am doing this evening. And you know what, if you are going out with someone special, good for you! I commend your braveness. I will be enjoying my valentines day, so I hope you do too.

P.S. February 19th is a very special day in the history of The Vis, an anniversery of sorts. A special thing happened on that date in 1999. if you can guess it I will give you a hug or something. Write your guesses in my guestbook and I will reveal it on the 19th.

this is a song that has captured my heart the past few days. the lyrics are amazing but the actually song is so much better. ask me to play it for you sometime. it may be a song that gets played on my honeymoon. and the two shall become one....


now that weÕre one now softly whispers saving grace 6:19 as i awake and stronger than last year my eyes closed the stars will meet me on the ground. summerÕs gone and winter is never to far now and my poor arms outstreched so long that my bones are now breaking but there you come with a smile thatÕd send any man to his knees and i feel iÕve begun now that weÕre one. you graciously add to i graciously add you to my heart.

"On Legendary" by Further Seems Forever.

I wrote a rather witty post regarding Friday's plans but Kyky's compiter ate the post. I guess I'll rewrite it for Friday.

Ok. sometimes I am a bit too dramatic. It isnt that bad, but Tuesday was a rough day. From 1am til midnight there was just a lot of things that had to be dealt with and it kicked me in the gut. Not stuff in my life, but those that are dear to my heart. But God prevails, He always will. Anyway. If you haven't already, go buy the new Further Seems Forever CD, its amazing.

Overwhelmed, (def.). to be poured out upon, to be buried, to be crushed, overpowered.

God told me I would be crushed this semester. As I prayed over winter break, He told me that He would be my fortress, my shelter, my shield. There has been some huge crap that God has had me right in the middle of, using me to comfort others and minister to my brothers. I am weary. I am so tired. I crave sleep more than I want food. I love that God uses me, but I need to be filled. Like the branch on the vine, I need life blood. My time with God is for the most part, dry. I am a dry, empty cup, Lord please fill me. I am in a dry and weary land, Jesus be my refuge. Spirit flow through me into those you have placed in my life. Let me be your vessel, continually being filled and emptied into others. Thats all I ever want.


A thanks to Betsy for the encouragment in our conversation, just listening to me pouring my heart out was more than enough.

Adam was right, the heart does matter most. Neil Young guitar solos make me want to cry. I like to look at the sun. I love wearing shorts and wool sweaters at the same time. Birthdays sneak up on me. I forget what I am doing sometimes. Track lighting needs to be used only at appropriate times. Mountains don't scare me, the plains do. A smile is more than just a smile. Music is more than just music. Sleep is good when you're tired and just as good when you aren't tired. I miss Chad, but only when I think about it. The Italian riviera is not overrated, and neither are the Alps. I am Travis, and that is ok with me. Seems perfect, doesn't it?

Welcome to this melloncollie day. Its thursday and it might as well be rainy and grey. It just should be. Maybe thats just because I am listening to the Counting Crows, but its not really. It just seems that today was a slow rolling day with nothing behind it. I woke up, showered, did my devotions and went to Village Church and met with pastor Jared. It was cool 'cause we hadn't met one on one in a while, so we caught up. Then I went to lunch and then work.

This is what kicked me in the face today: My friend Chris and his wife were expecting a baby March 1st. At 8 months, Nathan was stillborn. The cord wrapped around his neck apparently. So sad. How do you say you're sorry? How do you share in pain like that? 2 Corinthians talks a lot about comfort and suffering. 1:3-6 and 4:16-18 especially. Romans 12:15 talks about how we are to mourn with those who mourn. It just seems such a mounting task. One that I desire to do but the question is how? How can I comfort Chris and Dawn or someone else when I have no idea what they have gone through? And then it strikes me. The one who is in me has another name other than Holy Spirit. The great counselor. Yeah. I have to be dependent on the Holy Spirit to comfort people through me, or through my prayers. It can't be me, it has to be the Holy Spirit through me.

Anyway, I hope anyone who reads this will pray for Chris and Dawn. They haven't even been married a year. Man. Yeah, I'm out.



"Prayer is non-negotiable in ministry" Pastor Jared.

Funny how God throws ya curveballs when you're expecting lob balls. So you're expecting a story but the moral comes first. God has granted me many blessing, but the best blessing (aside from the different facets of grace and salvation) are the friends He has put in my life. So, story time (note that it starts on a bitter note).

I was on my way back to the friendly confines of 104 from the library and I was in a fairly sour mood. The thoughts running through my mind were something like this: "I like friends and I need friends, but at this point in my life I don't really want friends. I look around me and see some friendships around me going to shit and some of my own friendships are just kind of drifting away. Do I really want more friendships? Seriously, most of the friends I have won't really mean much in the mere matter of two years and those two years will be piss busy. Do I really want to care anymore?" Thats not a very good attitude to have, I'll admit it myself. So then I have an encounter with a friend of mine. And without too much detail, we encouraged each other. The friend gave me a reminder of why I am one of her most favorite people ever and we cleared up some stuff between us. I went off with a hug and a smile. It was nice, it made me smile and smiling is rare for me on Mondays. Thanks. My love to all of you.

I was looking at my poetry tonight, which is something I like to do every once and a while when I am feeling uninspired. Some of it was crap, ok, a lot of it was crap. But the emotions behind the words were so strong. Let me give you some background. When I started writing poetry I was a junior in high school whose world was falling apart. I had battled depression for three years and had found that I was losing interest in the friends that I had. I was bitter towards girls and popular people. I was (and still am) a true romantic at heart. In my poems you could clearly see I was looking for that "one girl". I swore worse than all my friends and used some words that no one else even dared to. A lot of this stuff led me to becoming a Christian that summer. Now after I became a Christian I still swore for about six months and you can see that in my poetry as well. And so that whole senior year I was dealing with a TON of life changes and it was a flood of emotions which poured itself onto paper. I realized that a bunch of my poems were about girls, most in fact. I poured so much into them and never even told them how I felt, how silly. So much preoccupation with the hope that the next girl through the door will be "the one" and not on how I can serve her as a brother in Christ. And that isn't just then, but now as well. I've ben thinking about idolotry lately and I think an idol of mine may be the search for "the one". It really takes my mind off Christ a lot and I know that it shouldn't. I guess that I just need to continually give it up to God as it presents itself as a problem, and thats what I do. Anyway, I posted a poem on LIFE AFTER VIS from my senior year, enjoy.