You are Alternative!

You are down to earth and have a good grasp on what
is going on around you. You are concerned with
current events but can get annoyed with
extremists. At times, you can be too
melodramatic for your own good and people might
not take you seriously. Keep your wits about
you and always think of how your words can be
interpreted or recieved before you speak.


What Kind of Music are You?
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I would say that is rather accurate. Although I figured I was a dead ringer for being EMO, but as I ponder, this does make a little more sense. Anyhoo, good weekend, I disc golfed a lot. got a 3 under Friday that I was delighted with, followed by a 4 under on Saturday, how exciting!! Hillary wants to hook me up with this girl Sarah, I am at the least cautious, if not against it. Shes nice, very attractive, but 18 (I turn 22 on July 25th) and seems not to be very mature in her faith. Hillary said that Sarah was considering it, I'm not usually her type but she thinks I have a great heart. From me: well, oddly enough the only girl before this who ever considered dating me (and did), Katie, was quite attractive also, who knew I could date hot girls?!? I always go for the non-discret quiet girls who are pretty in my eyes but would not be considered hot by most guy's standards. But hey, what does a girl being hot have to do with anything? Its all about heart in my view. And in God's too. Think about that one for a couple of days. you have my love.

Tonight I raced God. Ok, not completely true, but I raced a storm. I could see it in the distance for more than an hour and I knew it was about to hit when the wind picked up way big time. I was driving along Mills and I saw these two kids walking, one with a guitar, and God starts telling me, "Make sure they don't need a ride," so I turn around and ask if they need a ride and they say they are close enough. So I continue to drive, now I usually don't speed a lot, but I was trucking tonight, partly because I was upset at someone and partly because I really wanted to beat the storm home. I wasn't trying to prove a point in beating the storm, I just wanted to see if I could do it. Anyway, I made it to 73rd (close, for those non-West Des Moinesians) before i really started raining. Oh well, at least it inspired another poem not about a girl, you can read it at Life After Vis. So that make three poems in a row not about girls. I didn't post the second one because it may not be worthy, but if you ask real nice I may email it to you. Ok, I think I may sleep now, have a wonderful weekend everyone and don't forget that you have my love.

I would like to give a big congrats to myself for writing two whole poems in a row not about females. Of course they were about my other obsession, travel, but hey, you take what you can get. you. me. love.

Well friends, I've got some good news. I sold my electric guitar [Maria] and bought an electric bass. Its a white Epiphone, a little beat up, but it was only 70 bucks after the trade in. I am currently looking to name it, my acoustic is named "Elizabeth" so that name is taken, and I am thinking about Autumn. So if you have any suggestions, email me. In other news, I bought Pedro's Whole EP, it is magnificently beautiful, with a quality of sadness that is appropriate without being over done. I will try not to listen to it too much. I have been thinking a lot more about grad school and missions and what the next stage of my life looks like. I would love to go to Germany [Garmisch] and minister there, but if I go into the mission field I want to know that God wants me there, like Paul and Silias in Acts 13. But I know I am to go to grad school, and I don't really want to postpone it further than needed. If you could pray for that whole situation that is coming up rather quickly I would appreciate it. Well, off to lead a small group, go and make disciples indeed! you have my love.

Several short comments, well, hopefully short since I am fairly tired. 1) I pooped in a cardboard box in my garage today. I know, it is odd. It wasn't even to be funny or outrageous, I just had to go and was locked out of my house. At least my mom thought it was funny. 2) I went to Vaudeville Mews downtown, it is actually a nice venue. A guy I wrestled with at Valley works there and my friend Rachel played there this evening. It was cool seeing her perform, even if it was in front of just some of her friends and family. 3) I was inspired by a story about Elijah today during my devotions. It is in 1 Kings somewhere, and it is the story of him coming to a broom tree and asking God to let him die because he sees himself as a failure. That part alone is incredible, a guy like Elijah whose prayers withheld rain for three years, and then calls on God to pour down fire from the sky, and he gets depressed. Anyway, he then is fed by an angel of the Lord and travels for forty days and nights to Mount Horeb. [don't worry mom, I'm not going to Mount Horeb] But I would like to travel for forty straight days, alone, all over the world, and on top of it all, without a schedule or plan in sight. It would be amazing. It would also be expensive. So if you want to give me money... just kidding, but it would be dope if someone actually paid me to travel and write. Ok, I am off to bed. you have my love.

I am tired. But, I wanted to write a little something. My sophomore year at Trinity, also known as my first year at Trinity, I had to read a book for my New Testament intro class, "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He was a German Christian that was killed in WWII for plotting to kill Hitler. Well, I didn't read the entire book because at that time I had quite a bit lower view of scholarship as I have now, but I did read the first chapter, entitled "Costly Grace." It deals a lot with how the Church has made grace cheap ever since the legalization of Christianity. This one chapter changed my life, primarily through my view of grace. Here is the one paragraph that basically sums it up:

"Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son, and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God."

We talked about grace tonight at the small group I lead for college guys, it is the preface for next week's topic: sexual integrity. By grace we are saved, by grace we live, by grace we are called the sons and daughters of God, and by the grace of God alone we will enter the gates of Heaven, think about it. Grace and love to you all.

I listened to the latest Brave Saint Saturn album about four or five times today, driving to and from work and home and running errands for VBS. There is one phrase repeated in multiple songs that I resonate with, "the bravest thing i have is hope." I was driving tonight, alone, after Immersion and you know, I just felt the weight of that phrase. Sometimes in my life it seems the only thing I have is hope, but the bravest thing, gosh. We hope for something more incredible than the entire universe, heaven and the presence of God. To hope in that is so utterly bold, and yet completely crucial. And that this hope of ours is founded on Jesus and his resurrection from death by crucifixion, how brave is that? It is brave, but I will be brave. I have hope that I am going home someday.

Upon further review, I realize that an integral part of the tree is its leaves. We are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), and there are many different views on what exactly that means. One part of the answer is that God is relational and so we are created to be relational. In being relational I believe we can project an image of who God is. You see the problem in the sentence, "We chase after relationships like a child after a leaf in the wind, when all we need is the tree itself," is not the leaf, its the wind, its the chasing after. If we enjoy the tree, if we enjoy God, if we delight in Him the leaves will be handed over to us to be enjoyed also. Relationships with people are not bad, but they certainly cannot be prioritized above our relationship with the sturdy "tree", our solid God. Amazing what one learns when one takes time to ponder life and its mysteries.

By the way, who reads this anymore? I mean, I get like five hits a day! Since I stopped around Easter I knew people didn't read it, but now that it is back... Anyway, email me if you read this. I really would like to know who you folks are. Thanks. Shalom. you have my love.

We chase after relationships like a child after a leaf in the wind, when all we need is the tree itself. I am more guilty of this than you. I want to want God more than anything I have ever wanted before. I just get distracted with all the pretty leaves swirling around me.

I'm in. I'm out. I'm in. I'm out. I'm out. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm out. I miss 104.

Chad and I had a wonderful and thought provoking conversation the other day about dating. It stemmed from my blog on Thursday, about dating. Well, we were talking about the dangers of dating and how I rushed into things with Katie. And so I determined that dating and guns are a lot alike. They are both dangerous when "used" carelessly, they both can inflict massive amounts of pain, and basically you have to be careful when "using" them. (I put the word use in quotations because you should never use anyone in any relationship, especially dating, but you use a gun, so, go figure.) Well, when you buy a gun (if you weren't already aware of this) there is a five-day waiting period for a background check or something. I determined that if dating is so much like guns, than dating also requires this five-day waiting period. The five days is from the time where it is understood that there is reciprocated feelings from both parties. Those five days should probably be spent praying, discussing it with close friends, having them pray for it and maybe even fasting. Then I would say it would be safe to start dating. Since I have no idea who reads this anymore, and I know that a lot of people have differing ideologies then me, you can take this for all it is worth. It means something to me, but if you don't agree, I'm down with that. But as I discussed this last night with some other guys they reminded me, "Yes, girls are similar to guns, with one exception, they don't have safeties on them." True that brother, true that. you have my love.

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
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I have had a lot of nicknames these past several years. Today I am removing one from myself. "Cassanova." Todd thought it was a good one for me, for some whatever reason was in that crazy head of his. Well, I am replacing it today, I know you aren't supposed to make your own nickname, but I'm the Vis, I can do it if I want to. I feel that Cassanova was a lie, it was something that I am not. Ihave never been smooth or charming, I've been on two dates and once even dated a woman for four whole days. Quite impressive if you ask me. So today I choose to replace "cassanova" with "desperado." It makes more sense for me. Right now I don't really like the concept of dating, I like the concept of marriage, but I suppose it would be wise for one to date his future wife before marrying them. All I feel like doing is traveling, writing, and ministering to people on a peer level; dating doesn't seem appealing today, not right now. Maybe it is because I am having a bit of a downer day, and I see happy couples everywhere I go, but if God were to want me to be single for the next five or six years and gave me contentment with that, it would be just fine.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don' you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of heats is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no youger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're loosin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late


It all makes sense to me I guess, but maybe you have to be a desperado to understand exactly what it means. You all have my love, even you.

I was talking yesterday with Matt and Jessica about the "senior rush" to find a spouse and what the drive behind it is all about. One of them, I believe it was Matt, said that it had to do with being in a transition season of life and that a committed relationship provides some added stability through that time. As I enter that season of life I realize that he is fairly correct in saying that. My parents will still support me, but not as they did when I graduated high school. I may still be welcome in the house, but both they and I know that I would be happier living somewhere else. I don't think that this mentality was at play when Katie and I dated, and hopefully my reliance on God and the strength of His grace will be enough to get me through this season. Not that I am opposed to being in a committed relationship, but that the motives of that relationship would be pure and not self-seeking.

New topic: I fear the suburbs. Sure they have great schools, are safe and provide nice homes but as I drove throught the vast cookie-cutter neighborhoods of Clive last night I realized how sad they are. All the same looking houses, all tan mini-vans with 2.5 kids. I don't look forward to growing up. At Urbana I think I am just going to ask people if they will pay me to travel the world and write books. Maybe someone will pay me for it someday. Shaa, and monkeys might fly out of my... well you get the picture. Long live the woodlands, praire lands, beaches and mountains. peace, my love is with... you!