I glance at my watch. Kyle left hours ago, Brad too. Some people I haven't seen in a while, and others have just gotten here. The party seems to be winding down; shall I be the last to leave? I understand, parties have endings, much like lives. So I too will leave, I guess not last, I guess unexpectedly to even myself. I often surprise myself at parties or gatherings by leaving at moments when it would seem I am most needed. Perhaps its just my way of avoiding goodbyes. The party isn't very happening anyway so I exit to the porch, where I discover the wonderful night air. It reminds me of being in love, what exactly that is, I'm not sure, but it must feel nice to someone.

"Travis, where are you?" I hear them say, but I don't think I will be coming back. I think its time for a walk.

The night seems to be a cool, summer evening smelling of goodness and safety. I have dreams, sure, doesn't everyone? I want to raise a family, I want to know what love is, I want to write a book or two. Expectations, desires, emotions; they twist into the night sky until they seem fit among the stars. I sigh and continue walking down the path, trying to fill my mind with better thoughts, thoughts of God and His work. Scripture floats through my head as I sink deeper into thought. James 4:13 and on, John 21, Galatians 5:6b, Ezekiel 24, Exodus 17, Psalm 37:3-7a, Psalm 86:11-13, and so many more. What to think but only that God has control over my life. So I think of this night.

"Ha!" I laugh to myself as I recall the events of the party, and what was said. Many good thoughts, many good times. How remarkable the time was, and yet now that it is over I find myself relieved. I hope to catch up with everyone in person and on the phone, as time allows that is. A busy season in life approaches and I do not want to forget what has happened. There is a train station nearby, headed to the East coast. I think about buying a ticket, I seriously consider the notion, and make up my mind. I can't leave with any apologies, for the time I've had has been too much of a blessing. So, goodnight friends, goodnight strangers.

I love you all,
Vis Waters.

Thinking about friends tonight, one in particular, by the name of Emily Dreher. Emily is an amazing girl, and this is not putting her down in anyway, its just something that happens. My senior year in high school, after I had become a Christian, Em and I became quick friends as I needed some Christian friends in my life. She is one of the sweetest girls I have ever met, and loves God very much. I looked up to her and learned a lot from her. There was a time when I consider her as "more than a friend" but it was short lived, and we learned to move past it.

I thought that Em and I would be best friends forever, I honestly believed that. Then we both went to college out of state, me to Trinity in north Chicago, and she to Northwestern in St. Paul in Minn. Well, I called her last week, just looking for her sister to find out where Chad was. We haven't talked since Christmas break, and only quite briefly then. She is getting married in June, is quite busy with the wedding and school.

I don't really think about her very much, she has no pictures on my desk, she has become a former best friend. As sad as this sounds, it is true. A lot of my friendships from high school are headed this way. I haven't hung out with any of my non-Christian friends from high school since last summer, which was once the entire summer. I talk to Chad on rare occurances, which is the same with Hillary. Katie is now married and we really haven't hung out since Christmas break my junior year, but at least now she has a good excuse. Jason and I talk quite frequently and I am glad for this, because I think that boy needs someone to spill his gut to every once and a while.

I am a completely different person than even last summer. I think on a different level than I used to, I like art, I like different music, I would rather pray than talk about sports, I would rather think and write than watch sportscenter. A lot people at home don't get that, they want me to be that crazy Trav I used to be. They always joke about me being a crazy driver and listening to that punk rock music. I don't even like to speed anymore, and I have been listening to a lot of classical music lately. When I go home they want to act like everything is the same, I don't, I like the changes in me. So you see that it is difficult for me to sustain growing friendships with these people. It won't be easy this summer, I have great friends here at school. I am not willing to claim that we will be best friends forever, but I sure hope so. I know that God will place great friends in my life, and those that I am friends with now will always hold a special place in my heart. you have my love

p.s. Kim makes a good point, what does that ending mean? Well, it means that I love you all, whoever reads this, I love you. Thats it :) hope that helps Kim!!

p.p.s. A good song posted on Life After Vis tonight, please check it out.

p.p.p.s. If you want to join the crew of Life After Vis let me know, I'll let you write all that you want there.

Well well well, here I am. It is Saturday night at 11 pm and I am about to go to sleep, but first, a post. Last night was the banquet, Steph was a excellent date, looked wonderful, and was a great dance partner. It was really a good time, especially in comparison to last year when things were a bit awkward between us. The grand ballroom of Navy Pier looked really awesome, amazing that us poor Trinity students could go there for an evening. And the dancing, oh how I love to dance. I really, really like dancing. It is so much fun, we waltzed, did the ramba and the salsa, unfortunately no swing, but oh well. Truely a wonderful experience.

Today was a good day as well, although a bit rocky at parts. I woke up to Adam asking me if I was in for the filming today. Well, last night I had made a list of my things to do, and I knew it was killer. So I had to tell him that I was out, and he was understandably upset about it. We had put a lot of effort into it, but its just a crap time of year to do this sort of thing and take up a whole day for something that will not help my GPA. I went on a breif walk in the forest preserve with Jess and Dorthy and got some Jamba Juice afterwards. D got in a ministry training thing for a week this summer, that is really sweet, I am happy for that girl!! And its such a great ministry, totally good stuff. After that I got to it, I did some homework in my room, the library and then in Jess' room. I did a journal, prepped my philosophy of ministry paper (which took the most time, and it was just prep work), and watched the Movie Shadowlands (about C.S. Lewis, and an excellent film) for a drama report. Tomorrow I write that report, study for the drama test, and hopefully research for my visit for social problems. Then I watched Father of the Bride, part two with some girls and ate cupcakes that they made, a nice way to end the evening.

You may think, 'that sounds like a nice weekend, but how are YOU doing?' Well, I'm doing well, not without my struggles and weaknesses. I feel bad for not filming, I haven't spent enough time with God in a while and I am still struggling with impatience. If there was ever a calm before the storm, this is not it. But with God here with me, I can weather it. Well, now it is time for sleep, goodnight to all, and my love is with you. and you. and you over there. ok, its with everyone of you all

There are two parts about grace, recieving it and giving it. I am good at recieving grace, I've had some practice at it. I need grace to get it through everyday of my life. I need grace to be forgiven from my sin. I need grace to lift my head some days. So I have practice at going to God and asking Him for His grace to pour down upon me. But, there is the matter of giving grace. I can be good at this sometimes, with some people. There are quite a few people that I have a difficult time loving. I never have gotten along with the "popular" crowd, they appear to me to have an arrogant posture to life and others. That doesn't float with me, not at all. But I have this attitude towards them like they are the scum beneath my shoes. God doesn't want my heart to be like this, he wants me to love all of His creatures. Its really hard for me to love people when they don't "prove" to me that they deserve it. Well, I didn't prove myself to Christ before He choose me back in high school, the only thing I proved was that I needed Jesus. So what I need to get through my thick skull is that I need to love everyone for no reason at all but love itself, 'cause thats what Jesus did.

Tomorrow is the junior/senior banquet, I'm going to look hot. On Saturday we're shooting for our second 104 movie, "Gravey's Games." Hopefully it will be funny, I guess we'll see. I think my vacation plans are botched for the sake of saving money, but blast it all, if I get a chance I'm headed to upper New England. If you need an internship this summer ask me about the one in Boston that is totally awesome. Ok, I think that is it for now. you have my love

Does anyone have a reliable car they want to loan me so I can go to Maine for about a week or two this summer? I think the reason God doesn't want me to have a car is to prevent me from going on long, costly road trips. Well, if you have any ideas let me know.

Well after my vent/sharing blog I did something I needed to do. I listened to some punk and some ska. I needed some upbeat music, even though I wanted to listen to more "down" music. Then I went out with Katie to Wendys and then sat in the car at the park and talked for a while. We hadn't talked in a while, just us two, so it was really nice. Then I came back to the suite, ate some shrimp, watched Tommy Boy, threw stuff at Andrew's crotch and laughed a lot. It was good. Now, I need some sleep, hopefully get my sleep rhythm back on track. you really do have my love

I'm kind of tired of not being able to write what I really want to say in here. Not that I don't have the freedom to say whatever is on my mind, but rather there are some things that maybe shouldnt be said. Maybe its my sleeping pattern being thrown way off, maybe its the weather, but I havent felt like me since this weekend. I can't really explain it at all. Maybe its just in my head. I don't think I'm depressed, but more or less at a "low period" of the year. I'm worn out, theres no doubt to that. Maybe I need a vacation, I think that may be the ticket. If only I could afford it. Whatever it is, just pray for me, I need to get out of this slump. Trust me, I hate feeling this way, but I just can't do it under my own power. Thanks for your prayers. you have my love

check Life After Vis too

Well, this is post # 3. I had a tough day. I just have to say thanks to Matt, his concern for me really helped me see some stuff in my life that need to be different. I have no idea what the changes will look like, but they need to be made. I just ask that you all would be in prayer for me, that God would overcome through all my crap and all satan's attempts to destroy me.

Just cleaned up the blog links, we've had some people retire from the game recently. I have enjoyed their blogs and wish them well on their next/current creative journeys. Although I have devloped a new hobby of writing tons of things down in my Moleskine, I don't think that I will be leaving the game yet, as to inform y'all of what is going on in my life. Of course, I would rather you talk to me in person or on the phone, but in some cases that is just not possible at this point.

Yesterday and Friday I was at my Christian Ministries senior retreat at some beach in Waukegan. It was really lovely. Other folk thought it would be fun to prank the profs and Cooper got Chris and me back good, even though I wasn't a participant. We also did a Taco Bell run at 2:30 in the morning and I didn't get to bed til 4. It was crazy, but a lot of fun. Since I got up at 7 I was extremely tired the entire day, and lost a hour of sleep due to daylight savings. So I slept til 1 pm today and hung out with people and went to Brad's party. So thats about it, well, I have to get to some "pressing business" (Monkey Island qoute, can anyone get it?). Later kids.

I have to say that my mom came through for me, even though I didn't realize it for about 10 months. See, she gave me this journal for my europe trip that I tried to use, but didn't really accomplish much with it. When Josh T. came up I noticed that he had one as well and I thought, "gosh, I should use mine." So I busted it out and have been writing a ton of stuff in it. It is called a Molskine, its black and has an elastic strap and is fairly plain. Moleskine It has been used by quite some famous people: Matisse, Picasso, Hemingway and others that I don't recognize 'cause I'm not that smart. Some excerpts from what I've written:

"still feeling it through..."
"I didn't go to the moon, I went much further - for time is the longest distance between two places" - Tenessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie
"..it is really nice to talk about your day before going to bed with someone special, and then say goodnight.."
Isle Au Haut ;)

I write qoutes down, random thoughts, lyrics, poems, whatever I feel like writing. It is cool.

Other notes: I'm not sure what the meaning is behond Brad's blog, I mean, is he done blogging? Anyone? I really want to dance upon injustice. Then I want to pound its freaking face into oblivion. We can never underestimate the power of love. Thank you Kyle Ferguson. Build our Church. Well, thats it, I'm missing my goodnight phonecall, but I can live without it. you ALL have my love.

What are you doing after school, you know, after graduation? A question often posed to me. I could go to seminary, and eventually I think I will. I could get a job in my major, probably not. I could go to the mountains and live the rest of my life as a hermit, what would the harm be? I could get married and start a family, I wouldn't mind that. I will probably end up getting a job and paying off my loans while living at home. I see nothing wrong with this, nothing at all. I love my parents, and I hate having debt, so this makes sense. But what does it all really matter? I mean, do we have to have a destination in mind? If we should have a destination in mind than mine is Southern Germany. But in all seriousness. I don't want anything but an eternal destination, thats all that matters. What I do here on Earth is similar to that of a falling leaf, letting go only to let myself be blown by the wind. So, what am I doing after I graduate? Whatever God wants me to do. you have my love.

Please pray for my good friends Darol and his wife Jen, as tomorrow Darol is having a liver biopsy. (not a April fools joke). Thank you friends.

The paper is done. Kind of. Steph is proofing it for me and I will fix it tomorrow night. I having one of those nights. You know the ones, where you have a lot to think about but can't quite get the thoughts straight. What would really be helpful is to be on a beach or the top of a mountain or in the middle of an ice field or something. But here I am in suberbia. Nature is such a great catalyst for good thinking. Maybe I'll wander out to the fields tonight and lift my heart up from there. you have my love.