A unified theory of everything

My fortress of solitude

2009-11-05T21:56:00.003-06:00

My life has been full, my October was busy and wonderful and now it's November. Time to blog. My life is indeed full and busy, and I am connected beyond the imagination of anyone from a couple decades could even imagine. I'm texted and Twittered and Facebooked and Google-Chatted and Google-Waved and on and on. I've filled my evenings with hanging out with all sorts of great people, even junior high kids. And I love being connected to these people that I really care about. However, being a borderline introvert all of this is enough to wear me out, and usually I'm exhausted by Thursday afternoon. I'm able to regroup then with some Hulutime or a run or a rare nap, but then I'm off again for the weekend. It's a good life, but I have to get some healthy alone time.

My fortress of solitude* was built in the twenties. It has been a brewery, a furnace factory, a storage space, and most recently a filming locale for The Experiment. I am, of course, talking about the warehouse at which I spend some of my vocational time. I realize that, if you're a steadfast reader of my blog, it may seem as though there have been times in which I've loathed the warehouse. Maybe I have, but those times are in the past and have been forgiven.

I generally have the whouse [pronounced house] to myself when I am there. The first order of business is to turn the radio from whatever pop station my coworker was listening to and put the dial to the NPR classical music station. And then if it's dark I fire up a couple of the light bulbs and maybe the furnace. Despite the music, it's a much quieter space than I'm used to. I think it would make sense that having introvert time would be more likely seen in sitting at my desk and putting my feet up. But it's actually moments like that when I spend too much time in my head and come out on the other side full of anxiety. Instead I find the heaviest boxes to lift, the dirtiest files to sort, the hardest project to work on and I get to it. Somehow while I'm working I'm able to think through things in a less intense manner, thus saving my brain from being fried.

The whouse isn't a place that is very home-ish or comfort-able. But it has grown on me and has become my fortress of solitude, my place of rest and of labor. There is a realization that I could very well not be working there by this time next year**, and it's definitely a bittersweet thought. I suppose when that day comes, I will just have to find myself another place to be an introvert. you have my love.

*this is a Superman reference, but it does not mean that I'm a "Superman-guy".
**I would actually love to buy the whouse and turn it into something really cool. I would just need approximately ten to fifteen million dollars to pull that off.

The early days

2009-10-09T22:21:00.005-05:00

I've been blogging for nearly seven years now, though, as some of my long-term readers can attest, I've been inconsistent at points. I was looking over some of those first posts and was thinking about how far I've come. I was twenty-one, a junior in college, living with a bunch of guys whom I still considered some of my best friends, and I was just learning how to write. Not in the sense of my ABC's, or learning how to type or even write a paper. I was learning how to write what I was feeling. But it didn't come out that way a lot of times.

For a long while I wrote about what was going on in my life, and it ended up coming across more like a report of what I did or was doing. Of course I can look at the posts and remember the emotions behind it. And I can see hints of what was going on behind the scenes, so to speak. There was a lot of editing, trying not to reveal too much and yet give a somewhat reliable story of my life. And I suppose the editing still goes on, it's tough for me to justify putting my whole heart out on the internet.

My writing evolved. The report-like posts gave way to a variety of different types of posts: topical essays, anecdotes, rants, fragmented absurdities, lists, best of's, etc. I suppose I realized the boringness of having to read someone's what I did today posts when that is all the person ever posted. Now days I'm trying to find the stories in my life and write about them. Or making up stories and posting them. Or putting together some introspective thoughts. Sometimes I think it would be nice to return to those old style posts, just giving the details and leaving my thoughts out. It would be easier, especially when I am going through the crap of life and don't really want to anyone to step in and sift through it with me. But a long time ago I made the decision to share my life, not always through this blog, but sometimes through it. And it would be dishonest and less safe for me to return to that. But then again, I could just write ambiguous and introspective thoughts and leave you with no real insight into my life*. you have my love.

*Sorry, I couldn't figure out how to end this post.

Ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space

2009-10-07T21:51:00.005-05:00

It is no secret that I have recently given into and fully embraced that which is Battlestar Galactica [BSG]. For those who doubt, I challenge you to watch it, and by the end of the second [2.5] season you can make a judgement call on it. However, this post is only inspired by BSG, not about it. Let me proceed.

One reason I like BSG so much is the idea of a Battlestar fleet in general. There is a fleet of ships out there, defending the peoples and exploring the great expanse of space. Obviously BSG isn't the first narrative to go on about the idea of exploration [Star Trek, On The Road, Moby Dick?, etc.], and furthermore is more about the protection aspect, which is why this post isn't necessarily about the show, but about the idea. I have long had a love for the idea of exploration. Sometimes when I am in a beautiful place I wonder what it would be like to be the first person ever to see it. Can you imagine what the first person thought when they saw the Grand Canyon? I've never been, but I've seen pictures so I would know what to expect - and even then I would be amazed beyond belief. Now imagine someone who was just trekking along and came across it. I would have loved to be with Magellan as he travelled around [circumvent] the world.

The second part of the equation is that, in these narratives and real life events, the exploration was done in community. These days people cross oceans and continents and the world by themselves and are heralded as champions of the human spirit, or some crap like that. When I see those stories in the news I think, 'man, I would miss my loved ones. Wouldn't it be such a better trip if they were with them?' And it's true. I have verified personal, experiential evidence that proves when one experiences something that ought be meaningful, it is less meaningful when experienced alone. [It should be noted at this point that I'm tired and drinking whiskey, so I'm not sure where this is going anymore*]. I could go into great detail about community and such, but if you're reading my blog you more than likely know how I feel about community. If you don't, ask, I'll inform you.

So, there the crew of Galactica is, floating around in space, living in community. It's harsh and imperfect and ripe for exploration and adventure. Eating meals together, mourning and celebrating, learning to forgive, forgetting and learning again. Community and exploration, hand in hand. To me, there may be nothing better. So either I join the Starfleet or I get going on finding a way to live that out here on terra firma. And I'm happy to do that, I'm excited at the possibilities ahead of me. Excited to explore this life more fully than I have been these past few years. There's a positive turn coming up around the bend, I feel it and it's unsafe and ready to be embraced. you have my love.

*Rambleblog of the year. Friends don't let friends drink and blog.

Writer's commentary on "to fly"

2009-09-29T22:29:00.003-05:00

Rocky Butte state park, NE Portland. I would go there sometimes after I would drop the Sanchezes off at the airport. Annie's Donuts, of course. The idea for the story came from dreams that I have a few times a year in which I witness plane crashes, the reoccurring dreams that the protagonist has are some of the dreams that I have had. The first time I flew I was six months old, to South Carolina. The last time I flew was to Portland, where the story is set. I'm definitely not afraid to fly. The college in Spokane: Gonzaga, the Zags. The grad school: Notre Dame, a M.M.S. in Medieval Studies. Johanna was originally Joanna, taken from using the "random article" function on wikipedia, Joanna of Castille. I switched it to Johanna because of a girl I knew at Trinity who I thought was very pretty, but I was afraid to talk to her. I have been to the Vatican, it was incredible, even as a non-Catholic. I listened to A LOT of Ryan Adams / Cardinals while writing it, I wonder if it comes through. Sometimes I feel like my style is somehow new, but I know it isn't. I don't like fully disclosing some aspects of the story. Such as: A) I'm not sure whether or not that the protagonist's name will ever be revealed. B) It's clearly set in Portland, but I may never come out and say that [so my Iowan readers won't pick up on that]. I think it's interesting that no one in the workshop said anything about the fact that the father disappeared from the story [which was purposeful], but they wanted to know where the story was taking place. I haven't really written any dialogue for the story yet, but I'm looking forward to it. I figured out today how the story will end, but I have a feeling that most of the people in my class will be disappointed. I won't be. It's the right way to end it and I'm fairly certain that it's good, i.e. unsafe.

These are my thoughts on the first thousand words. I really like the process of writing, it's a challenge that I'm up to. No one in class asks me where the pieces of the story come from, but I think it's worth sharing. Maybe that's just me. you have my love.

Autumnal words

2009-09-23T22:27:00.002-05:00

I'm drinking abundant amounts of apple cider, I'm writing a short story, I'm thinking that a hoodie might be necessary. I should be focusing more on the story, but I needed to put some of these words here. The first is the opening paragraph to my story, and maybe I'll keep putting pieces of it up here. The second is a poem by the illustriously absurd Andrew Gates, which I somehow inspired. I forget the story, I'm sure it doesn't make any sense though. you have my love.

(tentatively titled "to fly")
My father would bring me here after Mass sometimes. We would grab some donuts and watch the planes land and take off, struggling against the gorge’s high winds, disappearing into or appearing from the skies above. If it was clear enough we could see the stream rising off Mount St. Helen’s. He would tell me the stories of the Saints as I watched the Cessna’s, Airbuses and 737’s bounce through the air. I would ask him what the Latin words from Mass meant and he knew every word and phrase. He would tell me about different planes and try to explain how such massive machines could stay suspended in air. And at night I would dream of planes crashing into the ground.

(? - by Andrew Gates)
It's in the air...a bite...a chill...this autumn hour is upon us.
Leaves rustle in a symphony of aural bliss...this autumn hour is upon us.
The warmth of the sun is steadily negated by the winds...this autumn hour is upon us.
Sleeves on shirts, hoods and hats...this autumn hour is upon us.
Out in the field, the orchard, the plain...this autumn hour is upon us.
Hands become numb, rigorously I exhale...this autumn hour is upon us.
Creation beautifully makes its way into hibernation...this autumn hour is upon us.
Hair on my face is embraced as a shield...this autumn hour is upon us.
The process has begun, the wheels in motion...this autumn hour is upon us.
Sleep now, but haste not the winter...this autumn hour is upon us.
Embrace each moment of blissful autumn...God bless this autumn hour.

A stumble

2009-09-09T21:50:00.003-05:00

POP! "Shit! Shit-shit-shit-shit." I somehow managed not to completely fall headfirst into the brush and, on my hands and knees, I began to wonder if I had just broken my ankle.

It was a truly beautiful day and I was making the best of it. My newly-embraced running partner Ben was joining me on one of my favorite runs - a fartlek [Swedish for "speed play"] on the Ashworth Pool trails. These trails are popular for local mountain bikers. The trails have great hills, some narrow crossings, a few hairpin turns - for a trail in the middle of Iowa, it's a great place to ride. It's the type of trails that allow for an incredibly natural running experience and it demands a lot from those who run there. There has to be attention given to every step; with numerous trees and their roots, branches, rocks crowding the trail a runner must be aware of all that is on the path before him.

The amazing conditions of the day had one drawback in this instance. The sunlight that made the day so glorious in every other way broke through the forest canopy in a manner that confuses the eye, making it difficult for total focus of what exactly is on the trail.

We had finished one loop, a little less than two miles. My legs had clearly not recovered from a horrible run a few days before and I had found myself dragging my feet more than a runner should. Ben was spent, he didn't have the experience of hills and speed work; understandably he called it good and let me on my way to run the reverse loop.

It wasn't easy. I was definitely struggling. But even amidst the challenging run I was enjoying this quiet run in the woods. I saw a few deer and less people.

It was a rock that I had stepped on. It jutted from the ground, just beyond the patch of sunlight that had blinded me from its existence. The 'POP' of my ankle ligaments and the pain shooting up my leg was the first evidence that the rock had been there. I assessed my ankle: it wasn't swollen yet, no laceration, test it for strength - I could put some weight on it, that was good. If it was broken, it wasn't too bad. Getting up, I hobbled over to the rock. I couldn't cast too much blame on the rock, it certainly didn't intend to ruin my run, my day or my training schedule; it was just a rock and I was just a runner, these things happen, even on beautiful, perfect days. I turned back to the trail and started the quarter-mile walk to my car.

---

Don't worry, it turned out to be a minor sprain. Though Doctor Nate did advise me to be careful in case there are any hairline fractures that could be disastrous if I returned to running too quickly. I'm back to nearly a full range-of-motion, but still have a little swelling and even less pain. And I will indeed return to those trails, though I may only go when it's less sunny.

This was my first "attempt" of story-telling, I suppose it's the format that I'll stick to when telling a story [just hopping into it without any preface]. Feel free to provide feedback, if I didn't want any I wouldn't have posted it. you have my love.

Relearning the narrative way

2009-08-27T17:43:00.004-05:00

The first week of classes always seems to awaken some sleeping giant in my heart, this week is no different and the sleeping giant of the week is related to this here blog. I'm taking a creative writing course and it's slapping me upside the head. I've spent a large quantity of time thinking about a story to work on, and it's been a struggle. Now, it is supposed to end up at ten to fifteen pages, which intimidates me, and so I've rejected a lot of ideas based on the inability to squeeze that long of a story out of whatever idea is being rejected. However, all this thinking and rejecting has been making me think quite a bit about my so-called ability of story-telling, and I've come to at least one conclusion and a couple of hopeful resolutions.

Somehow during these past few years I've lost what once was a solid understanding of my own narrative. That is to say that I feel as though I've become less of the protagonist and more of an observer. And life is not meant to be lived in third person. Now, I would not say the observer-in-me has overtaken the protagonist-in-me, but it's been such a shift that it obviously bothers me.

How on earth do I resolve that? Part of it is attempting to use my gifts, but that's a whole other post. For now I have a couple of ideas. One is to carry around a pocket notebook and make note of the stories that I am part of, and those I observe. Perhaps there are stories that I'm a part of that I'm just not realizing, documentation could reveal that. And it might show that I'm less an observer than I thought. The second step is to take some of those stories and expand on them here on this blog. Stories aren't really stories until they're told. And maybe that will lead to a resurgence of my story-telling and this blog. I'll leave you with a quote from Sherman Alexie's "This Is What It Means to Say Phoenix, Arizona". You have my love.

We are all given one thing by which out lives are measured, one determination. Mine are the stories that can change or not change the world. It doesn't matter which, as long as I continue to tell the stories.

A simple, uh, man's daybook

2009-06-27T15:35:00.007-05:00

I read this on Monica's blog the other day and decided to steal it from her, though she only borrowed it from the other Monica.

outside my window. . .
The day is cooler than this past week. Actually it feels cooler now than when I ran this morning, though perhaps it was just the heat reflecting off the track. I was going to write this on the porch, but when I say "cooler" it still means nearly eighty degrees. The breeze is nice, the grass is long, and I unfortunately have no sweet tea.

I am listening to. . .
MPR's The Current, which I shamelessly promote to all my music-loving friends. Listen, fall in love, contribute and proselytize. Also: Peter Bradley Adams [via @BMick], The Avett Brothers [via co-worker Emily], and a lot of Ryan Adams. Highly anticipating Wilco (The Album) as it's dropping in t-minus three days.

I am thinking. . .
Pondering really. About grad school, houses and girls. Not really in that order, but they're all present within my mind.

I am thankful. . .
For air conditioning - I'm far, far from being a warm-weather person, and my life would be some sort of hell without an A/C unit in my bedroom. For friendships that encourage me to use my brain and heart, reigniting passions within me that had dulled to near-nonexistence. For iced teas and iced coffees. For my job.

from the learning room. . .
Nothing much, unfortunately. With classes over for the summer I have embraced the slacker-lifestyle: reading a lot of non-fiction and immersing myself into Battlestar Galactica. I need to be thinking/preparing for a couple of things: GRE, ACSM [American College of Sports Medicine] accreditation, CPR/First aid certifications.

from the kitchen. . .
My fridge and cupboards are almost empty. I'm not around much during the summer, and usually eat pretty lightly for breakfast and dinner. I probably should do dishes this weekend.

I am wearing. . .
Shorts. With the heat most of my housemates and I have been wandering around the house in our underwear. It really was too hot for clothes. Since it's a bit cooler today I reinstated the idea of wearing more than just my underwear.

I am hoping. . .
To understand a great mystery. That we figure out our living situation [we need one or two more guys for the fall]. That Josh and I will be able to end our game of phone tag.

I am creating. . .
I restarted work on my story/screenplay again. Trying to work the kinks out of the plot so I can start with the dialogue.

I am praying. . .
For community. For friendship. For forgiveness. For wisdom. For justice. For babies.

around the house. . .
The house has been incredibly empty this summer, which doesn't necessarily bother me, but it is nice to hang out with folks. Since we're down two guys and our schedules and trips are all over the place, we don't spend much time together. I'm supposing that this fall will be different, but who knows.

I am reading. . .
I took a short break from For Whom the Bell Tolls to reread the last two Harry Potter books [inspired to do so by @JenniferVM and the upcoming movie]. I'm halfway through number seven, so it will be back to Hemingway soon enough. I've been thinking of starting up a theology book, but I'm not entirely sure I'll have the drive to commit to that.

one of my favorite things. . .
Currently I, and my co-workers, are on a crossword kick. Unfortunately our boss put the kibosh on that the other day. It's fun to take down a challenging puzzle as a group. Also, since this post was inspired by Mon, hanging out with the Ghalis is another favorite "thing" of mine. I've been able to hangout with Mark several times this summer and I must say that I've missed him, I hope that he returns to Iowa after his Egyptian adventures. And I have had a couple of chances to be around the parental-Ghalis, and have been encouraged and felt the presence of wisdom among them. And in a bit of time I'll get to spend time with Monica, which I'm looking forward to a little bit.

a few plans for the rest of the week. . .
Tonight: church, a movie, hangs outs? Tomorrow: golf, soccer [U.S.? Wow] and reading. The week: my boss will be gone, so I'm sort of filling in for him. But it should be a light week, with the holiday coming up and all. And perhaps this will be the week that I come out of disc golf retirement to shoot a round with Brandon and Mark, so hopefully we'll get some good weather for that.

a picture thought i am sharing. . .

My dad and I are going to Montana to fish in July, so this is a photo of things-to-come, but with me doing the flycasting and maybe holding up a huge fish. Maybe. you have my love.

When your heart is scattered

2009-06-16T21:04:00.003-05:00

I have a problem. I guess it isn’t as much as a problem as it is a complication. It becomes a problem when I have to make life-changing decisions. It is thus: that when I come to love people I love the places that I associate with them and subsequently find it difficult to live anywhere but there. Since I have many close friends whom are scattered across the globe it is hard for me to be fully content living in any one place.

My currently tentative three-year plan involves deciding on where I would like to live out, at least, my thirties. Unless I can talk someone else into paying my bills, I will probably do grad school here at Iowa State. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it involves me making a decision against Oregon State, University of Wisconsin, Michigan State, etc. – the local universities of some of the other desirable locales. When that [final] era of schooling is done, I should probably have a decision ready or I may live forever in a state of ambiguity. FOR-ev-er.

My current plan for making this decision: getting married and having her make that decision. Just kidding.

Seriously though, I want to reconcile this love I feel for my friends with the fact that I will have to live apart from most of them, and it’s a tough task. I know that some people are content with knowing that they had great friends in that era of their life, but they can compartmentalize the eras of their life to be okay with that. I’m loyal to a fault, so that’s not easy/possible for me to do.

I suppose that long distance friendships aren’t impossible. Five years ago when I was living in Des Moines and Josh was living in Tennessee we made great use of free night minutes and developed a far better friendship than we had while living with each other. Of course we were single, absurd and relatively carefree then; nonetheless, it proves that to some degree that friendship can be deepened despite the distance. However, the mystery remains. I’ll let you know in three years how it all works out. you have my love.

Prayers at midnight

2009-06-12T23:37:00.004-05:00

When I was younger in my faith I tried on several occasions to write down all the things I could think of that I could pray for. These lists included the names of all my friends and acquaintances at the time and ended up being pages and pages long. It would be fine the first few days, I would just make my way down the list and pick off a few that I knew were in need of "serious prayer" [what does that even mean?]. Within a week I felt overwhelmed, would throw the list out and declare that I would just pray for whatever came to mind.

These days I have a whiteboard in my room, which I use for running schedules, a lot of unused blog ideas, keeping track of bills, and things that need prayer. The prayer list has eight headings, with a total of twelve subheadings. Essentially, seventeen [don't mind the math, I got out of bed to write this] things to pray for. And yet, when I quiet myself to pray, I still feel overwhelmed. It isn't a matter of quantity, but the weight of the needs. I think of my father's health, the community that surrounds me, the unrest in Peru, the lost of Germany, the lost amongst my friends and I don't know where to start. To make matters worse, the state of my faith is incredibly messy. That may be an understatement. I need to remind myself what prayer is - what my faith is: communion with God.

Our Father, who is in heaven, Holy is your name. May your Kingdom come, may your will be done in my life, on this earth as it is done in heaven. Grant us our daily bread. Forgive us our sins, forgive me my pride, as I forgive those who have wronged me. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil - that we might do good. May the Kingdom, the power, the glory and honor be yours forever and ever. Amen.

Rehearsals for a departure

2009-06-09T21:49:00.004-05:00

I'm not sure if I've ever made this public, but my main mechanism of defense is to run away. When things get tough, I get out. Case in point: the Portland experience. I moved out there because things were tough here, and I moved back because things were tough there. It occurs on the micro level as well; I avoid all sorts of conversations that might make me uncomfortable.

Lately I've been in the mood to prove myself wrong, so I decided to stop running away. I'm not entirely sure of my career path, but I've set my course. And that course may even take me to grad school. Again. I was frustrated with my living situation, but I decided that it was better to struggle amongst people than to live easily alone. And I've been thinking about how I need to get back into the proverbial fight regarding my faith. To a lesser degree I restarted reading "For Whom the Bells Toll," which I had given up on because at the time I was over-Hemingwayed. In regards to the micro, well. I haven't figured that out yet. I'll let you know how that goes. you have my love.

Post title taken from Damien Jurado's album of a similar name. You should listen to it.

The loneliness of the long run

2009-05-19T20:05:00.002-05:00

First I must admit that I will not be running Dam to Dam this year as I may or may not have wrote earlier. At a month out from the race I decided that I just didn't have my distance up to par. I wanted to be at eleven or twelve miles and I was at eight. You should know that I don't consider a run as long until it's six or more miles, although someday I hope to be like one of these amazing guys. I needed a new goal so I decided that this summer I will get faster. A lot of mile and two mile repeats, shorter interval runs, but keeping up the longer runs on the weekend. I actually haven't had a long run in several weeks, which means I need to get to it.

I ran middle distance my first two years of high school. I don't have many regrets, but not running cross country and not finishing the last two years of track are on my list of regrets [I don't actually keep a list of regrets]. At the end of practice our coach would send us on a long run to, well I don't really know why, I suppose it was good for us in some fashion. A lot of the guys in the group were cross country runners, and so I would eventually find myself alone at the back of the pack, running through the wilds of West Des Moines.

Those runs, so long ago now, remain the foundation of my long runs these days. I end up in the country or some tucked away corner of the city where I can run by myself and embrace the loneliness of a middle distance runner. The thought crossed my mind today how odd it is that I, as someone who must have community to survive, also love being alone in a time where I'm pushing my body to its limits. I am a weird mix of intro- and extro- version. But there is also something to be said about these long runs being somewhat meditative, maybe more on that some other day.

News and notes: I finished the semester, not strongly, not weakly, I managed. I made a trip to Western Michigan, which was lovely and I loved seeing the Gateses and Jennifer and the lake dunes. Any day now we will finish phase II on the massive warehouse overhaul. Word on the street is that this film may be shot on location in my home away from home [the warehouse] - which would be absolutely incredible, or incredibly annoying. That's all I got for now. you have my love.

2009-04-30T18:31:00.003-05:00

I have been thinking about what is "next" lately. I suppose it's a good time for it. Winter has, I hope, officially ended and there is an abundant amount of new life growing in the out-of-doors. The semester is ending, which points my focus to the classes I have on the horizon. If my mind wasn't already thinking about the possibilities of dating someone, the fact that a lot of relationships are beginning or blossoming into the "M" word, and the collapse of the Her? Campaign would bring my thoughts towards the idea of romance. Another season of Lost is ending. People are moving. And so on. So what is next?

I have a year of classes left, then a summer internship. Hopefully this internship will be somewhere that I can stay. I know I've listed places that I am thinking about, but there are really only three (some days four) places that I will seriously look into moving to - or staying in. It feels weird. When I finished at Trinity I knew that my only bet was to go home again. This time that really isn't an viable option, meaning that I have to move on. And I want to move on. This next chapter of my life has been delayed long enough.

I daydream about what it would be like to live like an actual adult. As much as I love the freedom offered by being a student, at times it seems flat. I do so much and, if I'm not careful and purposeful, all that I do can be of very little substance.

The next year, as they all do, will go fast. It will be a busy summer then two busy semesters and I will be at the next step. I can only hope that I'll be ready. I have this idea that it would be a lot easier to take this next step with someone, even if it was a friend. I'm not sure I see that happening, but I guess there's still a year left for that to come to fruition.

For those of you thinking that I had abandoned this blog 'o mine, I have to say that I considered it. Briefly. I've enjoyed blogging so much that I can't just give it up. I may be busier/lazier than previous blogging eons, but maybe that's why I ought to keep writing. I've been thinking that I may write a story (from my life or from my mind) every week, if just to keep my mind thinking about the narrative. Hopefully I can continue telling this story, I'd like to give this chapter a good ending while getting ready for whatever is next. you have my love.

Homemade economic remedies

2009-03-27T19:32:00.005-05:00

It seems as though half of the nation is in a gripped panic in the face of a potential economic meltdown. The other half of the nation is watching something on cable. I'm here to quell your fears America, I will tell you how to overcome this season of fear.

Investing
Investing is crucial to accruing and preserving wealth. However, the markets are all over the place and no one company is safe to put your money in. But there is one entire industry that is going untapped and is only growing. I know, you want in on the ground level, don't we all. I present to you the future of American wealth:

That's right, the plastic beaded necklace [PBN] is the wave of the future! I think that the PBN will bypass the publicly traded market and go straight to the commodity market. The demand for PBN is as high as it has ever been; people will humiliate themselves in public, degrade themselves, and even run into busy streets for PBN. Not only do I recommend that you invest in PBN in the markets, but I would also prescribe buying as much PBN you can and stockpiling it. If and when the economy fully collapses, I foresee PBN being used as a currency. If you are unable to purchase PBN for yourself at any party supplies warehouse, you can certainly return to the practice of our ancestors: gathering; particularly in times of festivity and parades - the next season of PBN abundance is during early July. Best of luck to you, my friends, in BPN accumulation.

Identity
Americans are constantly making purchases of items to "define" their identity: clothes, cars, electronic devices, etc. These are non-durable goods, meaning that they will not last. Eventually they will fade into material nothingness or into meaninglessness. Instead of showing off one's identity with these purchases I am encouraging a one-time purchase that will allow for cheaper purchases of those other items. This purchase which I am promoting has already found its niche in the lower class of our nation, thus showing high potential for the middle and upper classes in the face of economic hardship. I give you your future identity marker:

That's right, the "neck tat" can easily reveal to even complete strangers who you really are. In the above picture the upstanding gentleman went with something simple and to the point. I can only assume that it is the name of the woman who is his first and only love. Putting her name on his neck tells the world of the love and commitment that he has for her. Truly neck tats can provide the external identity marker that you crave.

Last ditch idea
Time is running out and I am losing in Madden '94 for Sega Genesis, desperation is running high, and though I am trying my best to overcome the mounting pressure of an impending loss, I can not. With mere seconds left on the clock I do the only honorable thing left to do: I pause the game and hit reset. If the economy gets worse and showing signs of immediate collapse, then President Obama and his colleagues around the world should just pause the game and pull a worldwide economic reset. Everyone gets to keep what they have, all debts are cancelled, all banks are given equal amounts of money, all monetary inflation rates are done away with, and all incomes and prices of goods return to their 1950's levels. You know, kind of like in The Matrix Revolutions. Didn't it succeed in restoring the reputation of that movie franchise? I can only imagine the good it would do for the world economy.

And there are Travis' homemade economic remedies. I only ask that when you put these ideas into practice that you tell all who will listen that these concepts originated in my brain. Now if you excuse me, I think there's a NCIS episode on that don't remember the outcome of. you have my love.

Spring breaking

2009-03-17T21:17:00.002-05:00

Four days into spring break and I can say that I have accomplished very little. Which would seem to be a good thing for a spring breaker, but I actually did want to get some things done. What do I have to do?

- Finish Galapagos, which I did last night.
- Work forty or so hours, I'm a little behind schedule with that
- Finish the synopsis to the story/screenplay I'm working on, which I have yet to touch. Maybe Thursday.
- Homework, yeah I have some of that, which I also have not touched. I'm okay with that.
- Enjoy the nice weather, working a lot of hours doesn't allow that so much, but I did go for a walk/jog this morning which was lovely.

Yeah, that's about all I have. Normally I would take a short trip to Chicago or something, but I couldn't pull that off this year and just needed to work for the cash-money. But I am going to see Ben Folds tomorrow night, which should rock. I would like to say that the rest of the week will be productive, but with the tourny starting on Thursday my productivity is in major doubt. I am already working on my goals for this summer, so maybe that will be my season of productivity. Let's hope so, because number one on the list of summer goals is more dates. Dudebro, up high. *Sigh*. you have my love.

Her? Campaign pledges: 5 [1 since last post]
Her? Campaign contacts: 1 [0 since last post]

The madness begins

2009-03-15T09:18:00.002-05:00

I've spent the past week doing two things: working on numerous academic challenges and watching conference tournaments. It's no secret that I love college basketball this time of year, and this year is already providing excitement in massive amounts. I was indeed up for all six overtimes in Thursday/Friday's Syracuse v. UConn match up, and though I was really tired on Friday it was most definitely worth it. Other notes: Big Ten? Big Weak. Big Twelve? Big Suck. USC in the house! Nice job Tim Floyd, please come back to Iowa State. The Big East is the place to be. Memphis may be a good team, but when your quality wins are only Tennessee and Gonzaga and you spend the entire season beating up on C-USA teams, you do not get to have a number one seed. Try playing some tough teams next year. Speaking of seeds, I think everyone has the same predictions and rivals.com even agrees with me:

One seeds
UNC
Louisville
UConn
Pitt

Two seeds
Michigan State
Memphis
Duke [boo]
Oklahoma

And my predictons? Well, without seeing the actual brackets all I can say is that the winner has a pretty good chance of being from the Big East. I lean towards UConn, but it's a crazy tournament. I'll post my final four here in the next few days, as well as an actual life-update since that may be what you're actually looking for. you have my love.

When I've had too much coffee

2009-03-01T16:24:00.006-06:00

On Friday I had an interesting mix of media-influenced emotions. The night before I had read the first half of Watchmen. During my drive to DSM I listened to the Valentine's Day episode of This American Life, and while driving around DSM for work I was listening to Amos Lee's self-titled release. With Watchmen I had this sense of despair and destruction, with TAL I had a sense of hope in the face of pursuing love, and with Amos I had the beauty of love and the sadness of that love being unrequited. I wasn't entirely sure how to react to it all. It reminded me of one of my all time favorite quotes, from The Brothers Karamazov [Dostoevsky], as said by Father Zosima to Aloysha:

This is not your place for the time. I bless you for great service in the world. Yours will be a long pilgrimage. And you will have to take a wife, too, you will have to. You will have to bear all before you come back. There will be much to do. But I don't doubt of you, and so I send you forth. Christ is with you. Do not abandon Him and He will not abandon you. You will see great sorrow, and in that sorrow you will be happy. This is my last message to you: in sorrow seek happiness.

This quote has resonated in my heart and mind ever since reading it three years ago. I would like to think that it's a bit of a defining passage for my life. It makes me wonder about my story, where it's leading me, or where I am leading it, or better yet, where God is leading the story that I happen to be in. And my mind dwells on the thought of taking risks for the sake of further hope. But in all of this I am happy to spend time having honest conversations with friends who encourage me to continue developing that story. The story will have sorrow, hope, joy, destruction, creation and through all and in all, Christ. And probably some coffee. you have my love.

Her? Campaign pledges: 5 [1 since last post]
Her? Campaign contacts: 1 [0 since last post]

Four quick thoughts

2009-02-21T14:28:00.003-06:00

This semester has been a busy one. Not hard, but busy. A lot of small projects to keep me occupied. There have been more than a few moments in which I have felt discouraged, but there have also been a couple of instances that have been really affirming in regards to the path that I am on.

I was thinking the other day about my phone conversations of five years ago with one Joshua Overbay. The absurdity we spoke of over the phone was a brilliant light that I miss. As pleased as I am with my current life, I wish that both he and I had the schedules to converse in such a manner again. Maybe when we both finish with this thing called academia.

My dog, Knucklehead - a Brittney spaniel, turned thirteen years old yesterday. That's ninety-one in dog years. Which means what exactly? Anyway, for an old timer he still loves to run and pee on things. Not at the same time of course.

I watched Slumdog Millionaire last night. A beautiful film. In all honesty it in some ways it was a bit demoralizing. For someone who aspires to write, it makes me question whether or not I will ever be able to write anything that comes even close to being that good. That being said, I started working on a short film project for this summer - it's exciting, but intimidating as it will be my first real script. I'll keep it at that for now. you have my love.

Her? Campaign pledges: 4
Her? Campaign contacts: 1

Her?

2009-02-14T12:00:00.003-06:00

I'm a little nervous to write this post, partially because of what reactions [or lack thereof] might occur, and partially because of what could come from it. That second source of nervousness is why I think I should write this, so here it goes.

Today I am announcing an initiative well-fitting of the day it's being announced on: "Her? A Campaign to get Travis Dating". I know that this could cause of furor amongst the remaining iEHBS members, but please note that it's a campaign to get me dating, but a campaign to get me a girlfriend. Big difference. My attitude has always been to be skeptical of dating [not sure of the root of that], but something changed when I attended the Chambers-Johnson "incident" [wedding]. Upon returning to the land of snow and ice my thoughts meandered towards the idea of getting myself comfortable with casual dating, as I have no experience with it whatsoever, in hopes of preparing me for the possibility of someday being in a serious dating relationship. In short, though I'm jokingly bringing it about, I feel that this could be a good thing for my psyche.

How will this campaign work? Well, it depends on you the reader [no pressure]. I am in no position to find single ladies on my own. The places in which I spend nearly all of my time [school, work, my car, Wilson House] are not very conducive to finding compatible ladies for me to date. So the campaign is this: readers, set me up on dates [blind or not] with single ladies that you think I would get along with. I will give priority [if needed] to those who I feel know me best, as the people who know me best would have a better idea of who would be a good match for me. Why you? Well, I trust my readers, mostly because you're my friends. And you're much cheaper than eHarmony. That being said, there will be rewards [titles] for those who participate in this campaign:

1) Pledges. Those who pledge to actively look for someone to set me up with.

2) Not-liars. People who actually do what they pledged to do and set me up with someone.

3) Winners. People who set me up with someone that I am fairly compatible with.

If you set up a double date for me and my friend Kevin, all rewards will be doubled. And I suppose if anything comes from the set-up you could possibly get mad props at any further advancement in the relationship [engagement, marriage, fifty-year anniversary]. But let's not start with that, the point is to minimize the pressure of casual dating.

So there is the inauguration of the campaign. Was I right to be nervous in writing this? Will anyone respond? Will it be the most awkward blog post ever? I'm not sure, but I suppose it's time to find out. you have my love.

Manual labor

2009-02-12T21:42:00.007-06:00

I've had some fun manual labor projects as of late. I thought it would be fun to share some pictures of what these projects entail. The first is of the massive warehouse project that involves the moving of upwards to seven-thousand boxes of files, all by the means of two-wheelers. Fun times.

The project starts here, the files from the Eighties [imagine files here].

We move them to here.

Then we move the files from the Nineties...

to where we had the Eighties.

And then we move the files from oh-six and beyond...

to where we had the Nineties.

This is the path that we are taking in between the Eighties and the Nineties.
w

Another project that I had going on was a little framing on my parents' farm. They built a metal building and part of it will be a lofted living area. My dad and I had the task of setting the I-joists to create the floor of the upper level.

Before.

After from below.

After from the upper level.

This kept my hands warm.

This is actually from when we put the windows and doors in, but so you get an idea of what we are working with.

This is going to take up a lot of blogpage. Oh well. If you've made it this far, brace yourself for the San Valentino's Dia post. Saint Valentine's Day for our non-Spanish speaking friends. you have my love.

Coffeed

2009-02-02T18:06:00.004-06:00

Five years ago I worked at a locally owned coffee shop. I was "let go" after four shifts because I wasn't learning quickly enough. Lesson: I should have gone to Starbucks with their corporate path of destruction and two month training period. Anyway, this semester I am making a conscious effort to like coffee. When I worked at the shop of coffee my drink involved a lot of non-coffee related sweetness. Since I can't justify spending that much with the recession in play, I am just jumping right into the coffee life by ordering plain coffee. That's not to say that I don't put in creamer, though I am avoiding adding sugar. I don't actually drink a lot of caffeine, so it really effects me when I do drink it, therefore I can't really drink any caffeinated beverages after midday. Which means that I can only really get one or two cups of coffee down in a day, which makes for learning to like coffee a slow process. And I don't drink it when I first wake up as that might condition my body to need caffeine, which I'm not down with. But the effort is paying off, I'm starting to like it more and my body isn't going into overdrive everytime I drink it. I suppose the next step is to get my own coffee maker and maybe a bag o' grounds. I know that there are some readers who have a low percentage of coffee in their blood count, so they can go ahead and grant me some advice on such things. I like writing again, I have many thoughts and hopefully I can translate some of them to you on a regular basis again. you have my love.

SP09

2009-01-29T22:02:00.002-06:00

I am now three weeks into this semester, and I feel as though I have no idea what is going on. My theory is that my mind never made it back from Portland. Whatever the case may be, it needs to change fairly swiftly as the first round of tests and projects are already on their way. Here are some of the things that I will be busy with this semester, Spring of oh-nine.

Fundamentals of Human Physiology [with a lab]
As if anatomy weren't enough, we now have to know a) where some body part is, and b) what it does. But more in depth than that, more like 'how does said body part do what it does?' We are currently breaking down the chemical components of the body [amino acids and the like]. This will probably be a very challenging class. And the lab is easy thus far, but rumor has it that we have to draw our own blood. I'm trying not to think of this.

Business Communications
This is the class in which you learn to write resumes and cover letters and be professional and not write bad things about your classes on your blog. This is a very boring class.

Leadership Techniques of Fitness
I like this one. In it we are learning about composing exercise plans and instructing individual exercises. So far the most exciting part of this class was visiting the strength and conditioning coach for all of Iowa State's "Olympic sports", i.e. anything that isn't football. Pretty cool set up. I have a feeling that this is one of the classes where I am supposed to be doing more work, but I can't figure out what to work on.

Human Diseases
This is exactly what it sounds like, and yes, it is awesome. We study diseases, both on a broad level and physiologically. The semester is broken up into chronic diseases and infectious diseases. The chronic diseases are interesting enough, but I am definitely looking forward to the infectious section. I have to fight the urge to ask my professor: "I have a burning question, when are we going to cover STD's?" Also, my professor is six foot five at least, is skin and bones and Indian - and though he doesn't look it one bit he reminds me of Buster Bluth sometimes.

Independent Study
Faithful readers will recall the class in which I worked on a monthly, campus wide wellness newsletter. This semester I am serving as an "experienced" guide to the group doing the newsletter this semester. I have two groups and they are both full of self-motivated people and I feel like I should be doing more, but they're doing a great job anyway.

Library Instruction
I guess I have to learn how to use the library at some point in my ridiculously long academic career. I'm testing out of this tomorrow.

Other Stuff
On top of those classes I am still working about fifteen hours a week, mostly on a massive warehouse project. I'll try to post pictures that attempt to capture the scope of the project at some point soon. I'm currently reading Brave New World and really like it, after which I'm looking to get to The Great Gatsby or Galapagos [Vonnegut]. Next weekend I will be attending a three day seminar that will be the base of getting to my ACSM certifications. Possibly by this summer I'll be certified to be a personal trainer. I'm back to training for two races currently; a) Drake Relays Road Race - the 8k, and Dam to Dam in May. You should really consider doing both of those runs with me. I'm watching LOST; it's my drug of choice. At Trinity Britch played a video game called "Kingdom Hearts", I borrowed it from Mr. Sanchez and am trying to finish all the side quests before I finish up the game. It looks really dorky, but it's a super fun game. And the Wilson house residents are trying our best to make this dump a better place to live in and visit. Speaking of that - Pancake Day, February 24th. I'll make certain plans at a later date, but pencil it in on your schedules. Also, I've joined the latest social networking web 2.0 thing - Twitter. @viswaters if you care to follow my random and rather full life. Yep, that's a lot. Time to cram some sleep into the schedule. you have my love.

Portland oh-nine

2009-01-17T13:11:00.007-06:00

The semester has now begun, putting my travels to an end. I had a great trip out to Portland. It mostly involved relaxing, eating and spending time with friends. I made it to Powell's - the castle of books. I played speed scrabble with my wonderful hosts, Jon and Lynette. Andy, Dave the Brave and I explored Cathedral Park. I met up with my European compatriot Brett. We made the trip to Annie's Donuts. I braved the Washington rains to witness the wedding of a fellow iEHBS [international Evangelical Homiletic Bachelors Society]. Though I celebrated while there, I did my part in mourning by sheering my beard down to something more slightly than stubble. And, as is tradtion, the odds were calculated. And then I had to say my goodbyes, though I hope that my next visit won't take another fifteen months. I survived a wicked day of flights into blizzard conditions. It was a very good trip. For your enjoyment here are the odds and a couple of pictures. you have my love.

To be engaged
Graham 4-1
Bob 6-1
Kate G. 8-1
Travis 8-1
Nate B. 9-1
Brad G. [as requested] 30-1

To have a baby
Gustines' second 2-1
Martins' third 4-1
Grabhers 5-1
Boes' second 10-1
Overbays 12-1
Morrisons 15-1
Gates' third 20-1
Johnsons 20-1
Britchers 25-1
Pai's 30-1

Cathedral Park in North Portland

The "Made in Oregon" sign off of Burnside

It was, it could be

2009-01-04T22:37:00.002-06:00

Oh-eight. It was a decent year. I ran a half-marathon, I completed two semesters of higher education, I grew a great big bushy beard and generally enjoyed life. I didn't read enough, I didn't travel enough, I didn't wash enough dishes. I loved have barbeques and reading on the veranda. I quit smoking, though I was barely smoking at the time. I started drinking tea and coffee on a regular basis. I made some friends, got to know some friends better, reconnected with some old friends. I lost my last grandparent. I began to consider the next step, a possibly epic step. It was a good year, not a top five year, but it was good.

Oh-nine. I can now say that I will graduate next year, I like that. Saying "twenty-ten" seems very futuristic. I hope to run over five-hundred miles during the course of the year. I'm traveling to Portland on Tuesday, my first visit out there since August of oh-seven. I'm considering multiple trips out of the Midwest for later this year. I'm thinking about taking the summer off from school to rest, earn some money and travel. This would push back graduating until August, but I think I'd be okay with that. I would like to start using my free time more productively. I think that it is possible to constructively waste time, I just have yet to prove it yet. Another goal for this year is that I would get my dating game on. If anyone has any idea how that might be accomplished, let me know. My hopes are not high for this year, but perhaps I'm in for a surprise. you have my love.

New year, new book

2008-12-29T22:32:00.003-06:00

I finished two books within the last week. That hasn't happened in a while, so I feel like I should keep the momentum up. Last week I finished Kafka's The Trial and last night I finished Chuck Klosterman's novel Downtown Owl. Once I had finished the book, laid in bed for ten more minutes, thought about just going to bed, I tried to pick out the next book to read. After twenty minutes of looking at my bookcase I just wrote out a list and decided to put the decision up to a vote. I don't think I want to read an epic right now, but maybe the book after this next one. I might try to read on fiction and one non-fiction, but I often struggle to finish both books when I try to do that. So here are my options, I know there are a lot, so don't be overwhelmed - there's no pressure whatsoever. you have my love.

Fiction
River Why - Duncan
As I Lay Dying - Faulkner
Alice in Wonderland - Carroll
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man - Joyce
For Whom the Bell Tolls - Hemingway
Franny and Zooey - Salinger
The Road - McCarthy
Brave New World - Huxley
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Kesey

Non-fiction
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Eggers
Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places - Peterson
Knowing God - Packer
Bill Bowerman biography
Ragamuffin Gospel - Brennan Manning
Imperial Ambitions - Chomsky
The Gospel According to America
Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis
Life Together - Bonhoeffer

Epics
The Idiot - Dostoevsky
War and Peace - Tolstoy
East of Eden - Steinbeck