Goals, etc.

Have you ever woke up and suddenly realized that you haven't blogged in a week and a half? Yeah, sorry. Anymore my weeks slip by slowly and hastily, at the same time. It's a bizarre phenomena, but I can attest to its actuality. In truth I merely have been losing myself in a narrative that is not my own, whether on film or in print, and when I'm not lost in narrative I'm immersing myself in work or music or sleep. It isn't healthy, but I get by, and that's all I'm trying to do right now. Yeah, I'm wearing my heart on my blog's sleeve, but since the people who read this are mostly my friends I feel that I can afford that privilege.

I resonate with the Brawl, in that I have no goals right now, and for me it seems to be increasingly conducive to a life of apathy. So for the time being I sit back and wait for something to happen, hoping that it will breathe life into this life of mine. I'd like to be proactive, but I just don't know what I would do.

[I stopped writing for a few minutes there to think about where I was going with this post, fyi.]

My goals used to be about finishing school, finding a job, paying off school loans [still working on that one], but now, like I said, I have none. According to my favorite prof, Metzger [not Bruce], the chief end of man is to "love God and the byproduct of that loving relationship will be the glorification of God." Is that to be my goal? If so, how am I to love God when I don't feel like it? What is the answer?

In my case, the answer is fairly simple. It's friends, people whom I trust, people who will keep me on the path, and will remind me of a great and loving God who cares for us and has created us with the ability to relate to one another. There are too few of these friends in my [immediate] life right now, and it scares me a bit. Tomorrow I'll embark on a expedition to alleviate that. We'll see how it goes. When I think about it, it makes an incredible amount of sense that I felt closest to God when I was living in 104. I can't duplicate that experience, but I don't want to live in its shadow any longer [though I can never forget or deny what it means to me]. Here's to a new day of goals, ends, means, community, a lack of buzz words and friends. My apologies for the lack of coherency and perhaps the raising of worries, I had to write what I had to write. you have my love.