Last October

Last night as I laid myself down to sleep, I read my journal entries from last October. This makes sense for two reasons. One, October is my favorite month. Two, last October was fairly monumental for me. The first entry in my journal is partially about me thinking of taking a trip to see a girl I liked*. And, as you may recall, I took that trip mid-October, to the far away land know as Ohio. One of the last entries of October has me resigning to the idea that it wasn't "meant" to be, and being okay with that [really].

In between there is a lot of inner dialogue about that relationship, and relationships in general. In that resigning entry I also wrote about the conclusion of one Rob Fleming/Gordon in "High Fidelity". The fact is that there is, within our minds, an idealized state of a relationship that is, in a sense, perfect. This is the fantasy. That fantasy is always without conflict and full of happiness and mirth and so forth. But when that fantasy enters into the Earth's atmosphere as reality so also enters conflict, pain and the like into this fantasy world. Not that there isn't mirth and joy, but also sorrow and pain. I remember talking to an acquaintance, and being shocked at how quickly he denounced the ideal. Perhaps now I see his point. In relationships, of the non-fantasy type and of all sorts, there is both joy and sorrow, and that's what makes them both real and beautiful. The pain and sorrow being mended by forgiveness and mercy; the joy and mirth being tempered by time. Truly it is good.

Post script
Speaking of goodness, I am traveling to Trinity's homecoming this weekend and am so excited for it. I look forward to the laughter of it all. And if you haven't heard about the name-your-price new Radiohead album download, you should. And lastly I'd like to welcome the latest of my biannual full-blown sinus infection. Just in time for my favorite time of year. Gotta love October, just gotta. you have my love.

* Now engaged to a pretty sweet guy named Daniel who works on engines when he isn't studying theology; so if I were a girl, I'd probably want to date him too.