When your heart is scattered

I have a problem. I guess it isn’t as much as a problem as it is a complication. It becomes a problem when I have to make life-changing decisions. It is thus: that when I come to love people I love the places that I associate with them and subsequently find it difficult to live anywhere but there. Since I have many close friends whom are scattered across the globe it is hard for me to be fully content living in any one place.

My currently tentative three-year plan involves deciding on where I would like to live out, at least, my thirties. Unless I can talk someone else into paying my bills, I will probably do grad school here at Iowa State. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it involves me making a decision against Oregon State, University of Wisconsin, Michigan State, etc. – the local universities of some of the other desirable locales. When that [final] era of schooling is done, I should probably have a decision ready or I may live forever in a state of ambiguity. FOR-ev-er.

My current plan for making this decision: getting married and having her make that decision. Just kidding.

Seriously though, I want to reconcile this love I feel for my friends with the fact that I will have to live apart from most of them, and it’s a tough task. I know that some people are content with knowing that they had great friends in that era of their life, but they can compartmentalize the eras of their life to be okay with that. I’m loyal to a fault, so that’s not easy/possible for me to do.

I suppose that long distance friendships aren’t impossible. Five years ago when I was living in Des Moines and Josh was living in Tennessee we made great use of free night minutes and developed a far better friendship than we had while living with each other. Of course we were single, absurd and relatively carefree then; nonetheless, it proves that to some degree that friendship can be deepened despite the distance. However, the mystery remains. I’ll let you know in three years how it all works out. you have my love.