Investing
Investing is crucial to accruing and preserving wealth. However, the markets are all over the place and no one company is safe to put your money in. But there is one entire industry that is going untapped and is only growing. I know, you want in on the ground level, don't we all. I present to you the future of American wealth:
That's right, the plastic beaded necklace [PBN] is the wave of the future! I think that the PBN will bypass the publicly traded market and go straight to the commodity market. The demand for PBN is as high as it has ever been; people will humiliate themselves in public, degrade themselves, and even run into busy streets for PBN. Not only do I recommend that you invest in PBN in the markets, but I would also prescribe buying as much PBN you can and stockpiling it. If and when the economy fully collapses, I foresee PBN being used as a currency. If you are unable to purchase PBN for yourself at any party supplies warehouse, you can certainly return to the practice of our ancestors: gathering; particularly in times of festivity and parades - the next season of PBN abundance is during early July. Best of luck to you, my friends, in BPN accumulation.
Identity
Americans are constantly making purchases of items to "define" their identity: clothes, cars, electronic devices, etc. These are non-durable goods, meaning that they will not last. Eventually they will fade into material nothingness or into meaninglessness. Instead of showing off one's identity with these purchases I am encouraging a one-time purchase that will allow for cheaper purchases of those other items. This purchase which I am promoting has already found its niche in the lower class of our nation, thus showing high potential for the middle and upper classes in the face of economic hardship. I give you your future identity marker:
That's right, the "neck tat" can easily reveal to even complete strangers who you really are. In the above picture the upstanding gentleman went with something simple and to the point. I can only assume that it is the name of the woman who is his first and only love. Putting her name on his neck tells the world of the love and commitment that he has for her. Truly neck tats can provide the external identity marker that you crave.
Last ditch idea
Time is running out and I am losing in Madden '94 for Sega Genesis, desperation is running high, and though I am trying my best to overcome the mounting pressure of an impending loss, I can not. With mere seconds left on the clock I do the only honorable thing left to do: I pause the game and hit reset. If the economy gets worse and showing signs of immediate collapse, then President Obama and his colleagues around the world should just pause the game and pull a worldwide economic reset. Everyone gets to keep what they have, all debts are cancelled, all banks are given equal amounts of money, all monetary inflation rates are done away with, and all incomes and prices of goods return to their 1950's levels. You know, kind of like in The Matrix Revolutions. Didn't it succeed in restoring the reputation of that movie franchise? I can only imagine the good it would do for the world economy.
And there are Travis' homemade economic remedies. I only ask that when you put these ideas into practice that you tell all who will listen that these concepts originated in my brain. Now if you excuse me, I think there's a NCIS episode on that don't remember the outcome of. you have my love.
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